Will this pass?

I've started talking less, or rather stopped speaking as much as I used to, explains the staying away from blogging for a while. Its perhaps coz I don't feel like doing so or maybe just don't find the need to. There are times, rather phases in your life when you wanna talk, loud, to be heard, to be understood and others when you just want the silence to seep deeper, deep enough to your core to let all that has happened slowly engulf you. There are times when you lose your own grounding, the very thing that defines who you are, makes you feel yourself and then you don't want to speak up, you want it to stay, to heal it all you need to feel it first, sooner or later you know its coming to get you. You feel like holding your breath, to let it settle, to numb yourself, and the moment you let go, you feel it, a gash harder and deeper than you imagined. And then, nothing helps, talking the least. Much worse than it seemed at the surface. You tend to look around observe, you get to know people, things about them, the way you never did, you notice things about them, eventually about yourself. Surprised at your own gestures, what they convey, the way they do you wanna call all those words trivial, all those ever said or heard. Watching, feeling and reliving everything in my head, its another world coinciding with the reality that holds you, tries to grip you, losing grip and failing every moment. I know it'l be over soon, and the light isn't too far away, it won't be long before I 'speak up' again. Listening, watching, feeling, living there's not much that remains unexpressed, the eyes betray you more often than not, mindful of the rest of you. I wait, and wait longer to wake up to another day, another world, for the numbness, yet wanting more of this phase, of letting it pierce, shake me up and remind me of what I am. Or will this as they say just pass?

Beyond the window

Little as I was far far away,
Dreary and puffy eyed,
Beyond the windows it lay
I looked, I smelt, trying
To taste it in some way
Felt like an illusion
Of sleeplessness,
Long hours of prying
Until one day, I stumbled
Across reality,
The world they called ‘real’
A dream it seemed like
With those who rushed past, and
Those who wished to stay
Lurking inside, the pleasure of return
Staring at the window,
On the outside this once
Hopeful longing of
A past preserved
Wishing to turn around
To run, to leap into it
With every step taken,
Every addition to the distance
Blurred, yet sights of the window,
And beyond beckoned
Fast forward
I still look back, my eyes
Are weak with the strain
Of living, perhaps trying
Every act of,
Keeping oneself alive
Of treading on the same path
Outwards
Of losing ground, with every step
Of trying to fly,
To return to that day,
When the world outside, lay
Forbidden by the walls.

Wake up!

Ever done something outta sheer impulse? Ever just stepped out, left everything that was more than just important almost necessary and followed your heart? Ever felt the excitement that runs through you outta the unexpectedness of your reactions? You get back to the 'task' of life and realise, regret, look back at how things would be otherwise, yet take pleasure in your decisions, that little time when you could cut yourself off to do silly things and smile like a kid, like waking up to the sound of rain on your window sill and looking around giving yourself the liberty of a few more minutes of slumber when you can least afford to. Just being impulsive for a few minutes can make you feel so alive, so much different from the so-called lives we force ourselves into. Step out, feel the wind, everything can wait, but these moments.                P.S:- Thanks Caesar, it took that little push to wake me up :)                                                                    

Freedom

The winding roads, the narrow lil path
an endless expanse...
standing at the edge
atop the ruined abode...those heights
and all that lay below
felt a power, a strange line
the one between holding on and stepping over
I want to stand there and scream
to stay there and close my eyes
to feel the wind
to look down and not shiver
to stand there...somewhere so beautiful
in oblivion, myself, no thoughts
no memories rushin thru
to switch the mind away from sight
for flash seconds
like dysfunctional picture tubes
no craving to hear, to speak, to touch, to feel
to not wanna look behind
or forward.
beneath...there it lies...
freedom...