Ramblings

I look outside,
sunshine demands sleep
I wanna look out but I refrain
I spend the hours in slumber
there's so much demanding attention
the early hours, are tender
there's a world outside
waiting to gobble me,
waiting so I don't sleep
so I feel, unlike me
the warm baths are easy,
the warm water, the soothing aromas
caressing, a memory of some perhaps
there ain't so much to do
there's no time to watch
run run, its the buzz, its another day
the world outside is pleasant
welcoming at first,
harsher soon, there's no sparing
the sounds are beautiful
the sights regular, passing magic
its second nature, to just keep going
no directions, none need taking
i drive, i walk, i think little
a swarm engulfs you
the keyboards start ticking,
the tv blares,
the black n white papers are all around
as far as I can see
I drown in them, in a flurry of escaping thoughts
the red marks are a blur,
I dream of them sometimes
I see many faces, I barely stop
I laugh, the pen empowers me
there's so much beneath it
there's so much I could do
with what lies beneath it
with the world tomorrow
a flick can do the job, sometimes lesser
I refrain, I work, I do the ordinary
I run away sometimes,
when the text begins to blind me
the last command is a relief,
an accomplishment, small yet fulfilling
the rhythm outside, a signal
the cycle now begins
ends only when the damage is done,even undone
the rustle is nostslgic,
the evenings are bliss, heady
the flickering lights ease me
the music makes me merge
in a bigger swarm,
in the life of a city
many spent at places
that remind me of times
many I can't remember
many play with my memory
I can't stay, and I do
I wait, I dread the people
I talk with ease,
my mind plays tricks, there aint a brink
on thought, on action
I've stuck the face on, with care
it doesn't fall so easy, it stays
it will, as long as you will
I've let it slip, rarely
I don't want to remember
Here I've discovered myself,
Here I've lived, loved and learnt to forget
Here's where all has been lost
here's where I matter
I am no speck in the swarm
I've seen heads turn
I've turned away
I know I've let it grow
I know I've always known how to fit
I know I could alienate
the sights are overwhelming
there's little knowledge of tomorrow
too much small talk, too much to keep from hearing
I've wanted to grip at some hand
in the remote crowd, squeeze just to keep there
I've walked out too many times
I've returned,
there is nowhere to go from here
there's this consciousness that rules
there's alwas someone who waits
always someone who cares
understands even
but there's little to talk
little that can be said
much else to share
the day ahead will not wait
the night will die
the glitter will fade
my dreams will resort to monochrome again
I wish to wake up
to colour, to voices
to a smile, even anger
the tears have stayed
the vague pictures too
there's much I dream
there's little I ask for