attempt to write a nonsensical post in a stupid senti mood

Okay...here's what it is...
For all those people who can't get past/ get their eyes off 'bad spellings'...to an extent that it feels like an illness...and then you are bombarded with all the being cynical at all times sorta taunts...
Frankly...its never hard...and I've found enough and more of my kind...even the ones...who pick the phone right up just to break the news to me...share the feeling...laughin no end and the unbearable urge of wanting to do something to it.
Its a fact, i haven't gotten past a single book without having spotted such 'mistakes'...
I touch the papers and my eyes are away from what I am reading and over one of these 'errors' in a fraction of a second...I have once spent all my time in a 'Copy Editing' exam highlighting spelling errors in parts of the paper that weren't required to be edited...leaving this at that...
The point is...I plan to make this list...list of the most amazing ones I've heard...read rather...there are a few I'l list done instantly...the ones that inspired me to dedicate a post to the cause....and ya...I plan to mention the source...the fun lies there...

Siniyars (the pronounciation couldn't get closer could it) - on an otherwise gujju 'lets make franship' kinda scrap...

On a restaurant menu- Fresh Lime Soda (Sweat/ Salt)...eeewww...really...but...where's the difference then? :P

On the same restaurant menu- Meet kadhai ...to which Dad shot an instant...Say hello to Kadhai...

There are others...like the tiny one I manage to notice everytime...on my way home from Chennai airport...Puncher Shop....seriously?...

These are all I can think of right now...dead of the night...add to them if you remember any...

The Brick Lane

And mum said, " But we are only women, what can we do?"....and I said, " Many things". - Brick Lane by Monica Ali
One of the most profound movies I've ever watched...
Completion isn't in a presence around you, in the lack of it or getting used to the lack, it is when you look back and smile at your present...at 'freedom'.

(The movie deserves a post in itself...coming up...)

Choices...none

Never got to choose...not when it mattered....happenings....happen...
this once....I decide....me....yet i feel...powerless....

In the name of?

I just discovered, playing games with Google, in some part of the country, actually some part of Orissa there exists a river I share a name with....and a valley by the river which is named the same.

I couldn't help but spill this out...trying as hard as I can to not be narcissistic....after all a similar name strikes a cord...n in most cases more than just that...

One mention of your name...could be another's too...and you wish to hear why it was in conversation.

We are all hungry for recognition, and once recognized approval...its constant...stays within us, defines our speech, action...even writing...

Its been a while, yet my face brightens up everytime I see my name in the papers, the excitement of every byline is still so unique, childlike....something I look at and smile...forgetting whatever was on my mind.....sometimes I like to wait till morning just to see the papers, my name...glance long enough to let the picture fix into my mind....just to sleep with that smile on my face...

What kind of world do you want?

What kind of world do you want?Think AnythingLet's start at the startBuild a masterpieceBe careful what you wish forHistory starts now... Should there be people or peoplesMoney, Funny pedestals for Fools who never payRaise your Army - Choose your SteepleDon't be shy, the satellites can look the other way Lose the Earthquakes - Keep the FaultsFill the oceans without the salt

- Five For Fighting


The thought on my mind…quite similar.
As I left the city, a vague sort of unsettling gripped my gut, something very unlike the usual travel anxiety I have. Its gonna take a while untill I am back, weird, I cudnt help but feel I’d miss this place. Maybe not, maybe I was just too lazy for that entire transition untill I’d be a place where I can slumber again without having to spend the day travelling.
I reached the most dreaded place….the airport..I have a knack of makin a fool outta myself at this one place…every single time..every airport I step into…is it my fault?
Anyway…like always…I went in running only to discover I was at the wrong check in counter…and then to discover the right one I was standin at had a terminal prob jus wen it was my turn…until the third time I realised I hadnt screened my baggage…so ya…I FINALLY check in…to reach the security check where I feel terribly awkward with all the suspicious looks…for heavens sake…stop them…if i was actually caryying a bomb I wouldn’t give it away by looking so freaked!!....To top it airports are full of paranoid first time flyers…people who feel a boarding call is the be all and end all of things…and if they dint somehow jostle their way to the plane they’d miss it, little realising that the queque behind (and ahead) is their co-passengers. So I got pushed by one such paranoid woman in bright pink who jostled her way into pushin my poor laptop off the screenin to land, thankfully, in my hands….
Another I fail to figure out, is this, people on airports are constantly on phone calls, presuming, the louder they are the more important they appear, especially while on the coach to the plane, embracing their phones untill enough and more announcements have been made and the cabin crew has (almost) threatened them to switch their phones off.
I boarded the flight…after having exchanged looks with someone who either was or resembled my senior from school…a guy who I met just once, he sat next to me during my 10th standard boards….whoaa…kudos to my memory…I remember his name….my memory is a pain!
I was seated in between an elderly woman and a man perhaps in his forties…the woman extremely interested in where I was headed to in Bombay and the exact pages I would stop to look at while flipping through a magazine. Much to her bewilderment I din’t know where I was headed to, untill I remembered the remote mention of Chembur in my conversation with dad at some point. I turned to her relieved and spurted out the information carefuly, until I get yet another glance of ‘Now you are making it up, and I’ve discovered you aint no resident there’.

I like to sleep through flights…and wake up to a destination..right at landing….and I love take offs…its as thrilling as a roller coaster…infact more…the sense of speed…and that split second of weightlesness …until you soar above…leaving a city behind…the aerial view…at dusk…is the most beautiful you get to see…..twilight…mixed with the little articial lights…making the sky look magical…and everything below…fading into darkness….yet identifiable against the background of the sunset. I marvel at my own ability to recognize buildings from that height…entire areas…bridges…roads….its amazing. It gave me a sense of comfort, a familiarity, an attachment I haven’t felt with a city in a long time, the last time I felt that way was when I crossed the Palace gates at Baroda to leave…forever perhaps…I cudnt hold those tears back…I felt something similar….something close…
A few days,I was at the threshold trying to decide which side my world for the rest of the year will be, today I felt doubtless….happy…about my decisions…looking forward already…to being back…to something which isnt, perhaps will never be ‘home’ but was getting closer and closer to the bare minimum that would make me call a place that.
I was leaving, suddenly I dint feel like, a strange wish, of wanting to turn things back which stayed…making me heavy untill I fell asleep.

I woke up..well in advance of the landing, sleepy..cranky like I am when I wake up without someone familiar around.
A while…tea sipped…magazine flipped through twice and given up at….keeping my eyes off the old woman’s gaze I looked down…from the window….as we circled Mumbai…the darknes…the lights…the high rise buildings…each one of them…siginificant yet lost in the huge sea of their likes…reminding me of the last scene of the movie ‘Babel’…unforgettable…and I could feel it…see it…everything fade into the larger picture..slowly…significantly…I felt small, insignificant…unwelcome…to something so huge…I’ve always been put off by the pretentiousness that forms the staple of this place, of how living in anonymity doesn’t seem to bother people, and how perhaps they are unmindfull of the anonymity that surrounds them all the time, through the distances the city houses.
I’ve secretly desired to live here, to give myself just enough time to taste this feeling, of being no one….to anything…or anyone around…to be one amongst a million others…to make a place for myself…here…in this city of dreams. I can’t get myself to, I can’t seem to want more than I have/ will have. One profound life, in a distinctly familiar world, that recognizes your presence beyond your outwardness, beneath the realm of your thoughts, categorising at times, widening at most,paving a way, throwing things your way, getting you addicted….to life…to yourself…its just the kind of world I want
Very reluctantly to myself, I admit I've found it in the least expected ways, throught these times, there's no place I'd rather be than here.

Its True!!!

Its been the happiest day.....everything...every effort I made has paid off...
yet its an end...an end to a whole life...the beginning of the new...the fear of the unknown...the looking back...the smiling....the reasons...its been a roller coaster...all worthwhile...to this day...i've smiled....i've laughed....i wanna scream...for myself....for all that i have...for all those I love, love so much I cant express...for all that I wish I had....for all those who I left behind...who left me behind....
Its soon...its been too soon....time flies....pinch me...it doesnt seep....
playing in the background...trying to find myself- lifehouse...cudnt get more apt...yet another coincidence....
all the talkin...makin myself believe....of another phase...passed....
the time...i gave myself....the time...that made me think...gives me a high...
I wept....cried....hard...it hurt...it felt....its me...its true...!!!...
Cheers to today...to yesterday that started it...cheers to ME!!!!!

Here...now....

Its ironic how one of the most hilarious movies I have watched can make me write a post of this sort, the nature of things around you sometimes makes you perceive things in a context that goes either completely with or against them, or perhaps it is true that coincidences happen to be the most inherent part of our lives, something, someone always makes those things happen that make you wanna smile to yourself when no one’s looking and go ‘No one can really understand that’.
Coming back to the movie, ‘Outsourced’ as it was called is based on the increasing trend of BPOs in the country, which has reached an extent of having penetrated villages and redefined the basis of its functioning, with minimum resources and man power, anyway all this is more history now. I would love to review this movie, but I guess I’ll leave that for later, movies can wait!
Three long years in a city, life, freedom redefined, it has been a quest, of wanting to learn, to grow while still surviving each day, it continues in a way except when I decide to look back. To all the things and times I detested, to all those people who seemed to be no more than a farce of existence around me, so different from ‘home’, though home is something I have never really been able to define, a lil sense of belonging is all it takes, anything beyond is only for the dreams. Life moved, one step at a time, the periods of stagnation being the longest, seeming so at least, things changed, gradually, then rapidly from time being a boulder needing clearing to it turning into the rarest of those commodities.
It was only a few years until I am back at the threshold, time zooping past closer to it, looking back into an abyss, with no memory of where it all began, with no signs of being able to trace the end. Change has been a constant, perhaps the only thing that was/ is, times went past, people, places, homes…houses rather…relationships built, broken, lingering, straining, to newer ones, snapped, scraped. Maybe they mattered, maybe they do, the moments hold, memory fails to deceive you.
The utter eventfulness of the past year, thinking about it can drive me into madness, of how rapid events, pitfalls, rewards, brought things to what they are today, a perfect jigsaw, a complete picture, yet visibly separable at the borders.
I wish sometimes, to prize apart every one of them, in the order to trace things back, reverse a few, perhaps not.
Everything is relative, there aint nothing greater or smaller without that, just how you never realize how far ahead you have moved until you look back at someone/ something you left behind.
Learnings of the city, of times, of people found, people lost and a rare few found again, above all myself, its been a journey of odds, its now time for realization, for once looking around and not behind, for once at the ones who stayed and not those who left, for all that which fills my treasure box every single day making it deeper and deeper.
Time is a factor, so is a place, circumstances, events, coincidental, people a result of all put together, living, loving, leaving you with lil moments all along.
What lies ahead, and what behind, the spaces I fill, the vacuum I still create, doesn’t seem to matter. Wishing for nothing more than I have now, for no one to fill the gaps left, for all those who are around, I wake up each morning wanting to live the day. Could there be anything/ anywhere better?

they were signs

I miss the rain
Did it rain?
They were signs
Mebbe I woke up
a few times, dint matter
dreams persist
between wakefulness
dream back, the rythm
no full stops
the little jitters
ease, comfort, fright
they were signs
the fullness, plush
devoid of a lack
and the attempts
and the cries
all missing? all complete?
profound....neither
dawn speaks, reminds
its bright, its day they say
i need the sleep
i need the time
takes a while
signs again...
look back, perhaps not
memory's a faint tool
scrapes the wrong places
distance...acceptance
live on, grow up
takes a day
only one
untill you know its come
untill time binds
its a thin line
and blindfolded,
you step over
silence, not that kind
the uneasy one
transparent, visual only
not enough?
perhaps, it feels
distance numbs?
hardly, perhaps
recognition fails
ability to connect, time
they are few
they live on, they grow
with you, even without you
they come back
wake you up
people? never is
its change
the thought of it
the antecipation
the words, trivial ones
look back
smile, another day?
another change!
tiring, the slumber
consistency
the only comfort
questions
not again!!!

The (post) rant

And the hangover remains...the only thing that does...perhaps and the emptiness...the evenings...
Life's back on the move....literally....3 days since I've been home...and now that I am...it seems lost...the preoccupation begins....weird thing....the running things/ events through your mind of what has been happening and what you are gonna do...keeps me so occupied at times...I forget to react...seriously...is it only me?...and those notepads to list down the things I have to do never help...I lose them every friggin time...and ya...those purple post it notes on my yellow wall...they remind me of the least important tasks...coz the most important ones always fly away...land upside down on the floor..creating a 'purple' mess and proving Murphy right...yet again!...Murphy you are god....I accept...its time the rest of the world did too...
So...from the 3 day dreaded joblesness...which seemed to pass quicker than ever....with more to do than I could ever imagine...I am back in work mode...a launch to look forward to...those huge hoardings at every possible nook an corner...that go 'Next Change?'...give me a sense of satisfaction...even sadistic pleasure...of the insecurities it has brought to a lotta ppl in town...I cant help but look up everytime to each one of those boards....and smile with a wink....its gonna be BIG...real BIG...and we all secretly look forward to the official beginning of the battle ;)....mebbe jus the stepping into the battleground....its been a while since it began....
Hope to stay here...hope to see it happen....though the fear of being idle makes me rethink....ironically...it never really happens!!....life is about packed days (and nights)....and I conclude it will NEVER change...hmph!...
And ya....I am working for the BIG day....and I will be a part of it...in print of not in person...hush hush...yay!...
An 'art' story....been a while...a dreaded afternoon drive inclusive...yet...the excitement is back...craving to get started....the rest in paper....21st april.... :)...
For those who doubted, continue to doubt me at this....m supposed to be working on some tech crap....oops...a tech story....ironical...I cant get myself to operate my own goddamn phone....hats off to those in office who continue to trust my writin...despite bein at my worst...and ignoring all the threats of 'I'll kill you if you don't send me the story'....I love you guys for not adding to the mess in my brains....
the rest remains the same....being on the run....exploring the slightest opportunities for the much needed quotes...regardless of what or how important the topic of conversation at that point may be....lil visits from friends...lil surprises...make way for those unexpected smiles...
and the ranting shall never end...arent blogs meant for it?...
anyway...go on...live....stay put...give in....stop by sometimes and smile....life comes a full circle....there's no escape....I am where I can see the beginning...distant yet clear....hurrah!....