in love...again

Two months have flown, literally...work...forms a part of me...somewhere within...occupies my being my consciousness and fills the bits of the lack of it...its like living work...the life non- existent...
Hate to admit this...but I love the constant pressure...the paradox of each day....and the city..making me fall in love with itself...over and over again....at the end of everyday...
As immaterial as the person who said this to me would be I find it the truest ever....this city grows onto you...into your conscience in a way it's almost a fear gripping you...the thought of having to do without it....of things that make you connect and disconnect surpassing your own existence..
And sometimes the realisation strikes you at those moments you'd truly call nonchalant...a discussion...where I see myself defending it in a way I'd never do for something I held onto and would refuse to let go...
It is perhaps something about letting go that makes me fall in love...clutch harder...grow fonder...relive...recall...
I've loved...lost...broken...rebuilt...learnt....felt...thought...realised ..grown....and in everything it seems impossible to isolate...far from remove the city...the backdrop...its being...as patient as ever...waiting...perhaps longing for acceptance....like I did...
The small changes that came with everyday...make me sit back and notice....of the changes that developed in me...out of habit...and yet a certain consciousness that comes out of calling something my own.
I still have my share of cravings....of wanting to go 'home'....to a place where belongingness surpases the fondness...the viability of living with it....and its capability of fulfilling what I now call my needs.
It's a marvel...looking back at a day at the end of it...just one day...and the every little thing I've learnt throught it...the little warmth every thing/ person made me feel through it. The paradox of co-existence...the extent of it...boggles me...and yet it has turned unspeakable..more now than ever before...
A time when I felt expressing the difference in me was the hardest thing to do...has turned to one when the simple things that have crept into me have turned harder to express.
Concealed on the surface...like the charm of that first crush...that you fear might lessen when expressed...I refuse to open up with this long embedded - new found love
Art as it is...an inherent part of a being...is burried deep...in the core...in every aspect of the life of this place...spurting out at the edges in forms unimaginable...in ways that strike you and baffle you with how close you are really to it.
Observing your surroundings..in a large way enhances the learning..of yourself...of the hidden parts in you that need perhaps excavation which comes out of relating to an existence in front of you.
Enough and more...in all days has brought me to this...back to those times...I speak less...write lesser...the words cease when the boundaries of expression become seamless.
On a lighter side...I am at a loss of ways to describe how just a typical day leaves me at a high...
Its the signs....the exploring beyond my restricted physical boundaries...when I take a step ahead...and I am shocked at the lack of the anticipated fear...of the very little or no resistance I receive to them.
My room is back to its... paranomal...cleanliness deprived...paper littered...smoke filled state...I feel at home...
I am up at night...with a day ahead....and work enough to fill every minute I spend typing this....and I feel at ease...
The longings remain...the forgotten ones...the newfound ones...and I plan to blog more often...